La musique: Happy Xmas (war is over)- John Lennon.

I feel so empty. This should be a time of celebration, of loving, of caring for your fellow man. To me, it feels like March. I've been listening to carols, helping old ladies get their gifts into their cars and helping my mom with christmas baking. No dice.
This is my first christmas in a long, LONG time without a girlfriend. Could that be it? Are my festive feeling forever linked to those of a significant other (or lack thereof)? I hope to fuck not. In the past, I have loved this time of year. No school, lots of food, and PRESENTS. But this year I feel increasingly apathetic, ambivalent, and bored. I honestly don't care if I get gifts or not. I've been doing a lot of good deeds in the hope of getting "that feeling", but I end up aggravated at myself for not doing this all year, and feel guilty in the pride I receieve for being "a good person." I see parts of this season that wish would go on all year. I see the capitalist, comercialistic, greedy kid, Gap-Old Navy shit I wish would never come back.
Merry Christmas, I need some rum and 'nog.