Pain is the cleanser.

I've written a half a dozen posts (or the material for them) and not posted them. Times have changed since I used to write how baked I was was at work, huh? Lord knows there's enough nonsense about me on the internet besides here anyways. Writing has always been a catharsis for me, and I'll continue to do it whether or not it ends up here. Everytime I think nobody reads this and I post something just to vent I end up being sorely mistaken. I also don't want to risk the few good things I have by sounding like a blabbering maniac.
What a goddamn life 360 in the past 5 months or so, heck, the past five days or so even. I'm not sure how to emote (tactfully and non-embarassingly) what I'm feeling. One could argue that's what got me into this mess to begin with. Am I regretful and sad? Absolutely. Am I excited and motivated? More so. I feel like positive life choices are being made and enacted thanks in no small part to the people who have helped me through my latest trials and tribulations. I'm beyond stoked for the future, if not a little scared, nervous, and impatient. Most importantly I genuinely feel like what I'm doing is best for me, my boys, and my aformentioned support posse. I'm quitting smoking starting yesterday and have all the financial, personal, and external motivations to feel like it's finally going to stick. My stress is down so that should help that and has made work better and more efficient. I've gained and purged some friends and had some of my happiest, most content moments in memory in the past couple of days. I feel like this is a new beginning, the pain has cleansed me and I am reborn.