At work/

Me: "Just give me a quick moment, I'll see if I can get you an ETA."

Retailer: "I don't want an ETA, I want to know when someone's going to get here!"

Natural selection needs to work FASTER.

Dear America,
A Barack Obama presidency would almost completely restore my faith in your country (almost). Please take this under consideration as one could argue that many of your problems are due to the fact that that a vast majority of the world hates you.
Sincerely,
DO IT UP.
Matthew Ling