Oh me. So after slacking off as long as possible, I was due to get a job. Things are getting super tight money-wise, and at just the right time my old boss sent me a facebook message asking if I could help out on weekends. For those of you who don't know, I was previously employed at a hemp shop. They have since moved and gotten into adult supplies as well, which makes for a nice mix in clientele; Stoners and perverts. So aside from being dog tired (I haven't had a job where I had to be on my feet all day in at least 5 years), I have some news and notes about my first day back.

The majority of my shift was spent opening DVD porn and taking it out of the cases so it couldn't be stolen, then cataloging it, so it could retrieved easily when it is to be purchased. Obviously this wasn't that bad of a gig, I got to look at tits all day and make fun of bad porn star names and titles. Suffice it say there are a lot of people in the porn industry who shouldn't be.

Another thing I noticed is there are people out there who should save what brain cells they have left, and stop smoking dope. More than I few times I was asked if the glass pipes would work with "the weed". As well as few other snippets I feel y'all might enjoy.
One was of gentleman who seemed familiar, and we later determined we shared a mutual pal. I set him up with a pipe and he was on his way. About a half hour later, dude comes back, chink-eyed and giggling. he says:

"I need some Visene."
To which I reply: "Fucking right you do, you're cooked"
"Well, where is it?"
"Wait, you're here for visene? Do I look like a pharmacist? Go to superstore if you need visene."
"You mean you guys don't sell it here?"
"No."

This looked like I had just told him New Brunswick had blown up, his brain was not computing. God knows how he made out at Superstore, they probably took him down an elevator to the basement and interrogated him until he wet his pants.

Towards the end of the night, this family came in. best I could ascertain was that it was Dad with a son and daughter. The daughter was around 18-20, the son 16-18. Now these folk looked straight out of Deliverance. Inbreed, gap-toothed, and the daughter had a better stashe than I could ever grow. These folks found nothing weird in perusing our collection of sex toys together (!) and spent abut 45 in the goddamn store while we were trying to close. They would pick out a few things, I'd ring them in, then they'd look around some more and buy some more things. At one point the daughter was looking at the papers and asked what we had for flavored ones. Now this doesn't seem like and odd question, but about we have a lot of papers and about 75% are flavored, and all were right in front of her. I humored her, and then she asked if we had strawberry ones. By this point I was starting to question if she could read, because we have no less than five (5) different strawberry papers. She settled on one and eventually got the fuck out.

Suffice it say I should have a lot more blog fodder in the next few weeks. Working with the dregs of society is nothing if not entertaining.

Well, so today was our baby shower for Baby Jude. I really didn't know what to expect due to my lack of experience with said events.
It was really weird for me in that I was the only person who knew everyone there, so I had a certain duty to say hello to everyone, converse with everyone, and thank everyone. This is a tricky job to do without feeling like you've slighted a person or group of people, so kind of left there feeling like everyone was pissed off at me. Maybe I'm just to needlessly anxious about this sort of thing.
It was also a odd getting so many gifts without having anything to give people back. It kinda felt like I forgot about Christmas but everyone still got me something. You can only say thank you so much before it sounds forced, because it is. Don't get me wrong I love my friends and family and appreciate EVERYTHING, but whoa. It was just a lot to deal with.

My Mom, God love her, decided to show the birth video which was pretty boring (even for me), but Jude seemed to hold up his end of the bargain by entertaining as best he could.
That said, those of you in attendance who read this thing, thank you sooo much. It totally cemented my decision to move back here (Not that it wasn't already). Your generosity was amazing (and obviously a bit overwhelming).
Much love.

Ah, the joys of parenthood. It's currently 5:10 am and I'm unable to sleep. Not to say it's because of the boy, as he is soundly tucked in to the basinette next to me. No, this is just run of the mill insomnia. It's not even insomnia, I just prefer to be up at night. I'm debating whether to go to sleep (as I have been lately at this time) or just to tough it out and try to reset my sleep schedule. I have xbox and my son to keep me company, so why not? He just woke up and as it stands right now I'm typing with one hand, cradling him with my other arm and holding his bottle upright with my cheek. I have mastered this maneuver as well as many other parenting points that now come as second nature. The 'baby's asleep' diaper change, the one handed bottle prep, navigating onesie snaps, assembling random infant products, are now all automatic, seamless.
I just took a break to change his diaper and experenced an event where he peed, pooped, and spit up all sans diaper. Crisis averted, all handled, for I am superdad.
Now if I could only find a job.