. . . lying to my face again
suicidal imbecile
think about it, put it on the fautline
what'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this , why do you wanna throw it away like this
such a mess, over this, over this

disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
what's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
if you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
do it somewhere far away from here.
MJK, A Perfect Circle -The Outsider

*eds note: I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, just mostly late-night-no sleep rambling*

Suicide is way over-dramatized. Attempts outnumber actual suicides 10 to 1, and those are just attempts that are reported. Why? How hard is it to kill yourself? Not that I should talk.

I seem to remember Jerry Seinfeld talking about this. He wonders why people stop trying to kill themselves. Is something in their life suddenly better? Or did they just find something else the suck at?

In no way am I attempting to trivialize anyone's thoughts, feelings, actions, etc on this subject. This is just something I ponder quite frequently. By no means am I (currently) suicidal, but for reasons I won't get into, suicide and death in general are things I think about a lot.

Suicides are cries for attention. Some people don't want to die at all, others do want to die, but just aren't selfish enough to actually carry out the act. Unsuccessful attempts are people asking for help in the only way they know how. The ones that have nothing stopping them are the ones that are "successful". If you want to die, you find a way. I would, however, like to weigh in on the amount of people who killed themselves when they met up with attitudes like Maynard's. People who died just because someone called "bullshit". It's a question I really don't have the time/desire to try and answer right now, maybe another day, it would make an excellent paper.

In retrospect, I would like to retract my opening sentence. I am, however, leaving it there because it's a good attention grabber. People dying is impossible to over-dramatize. I just can't stop wondering how many of the 3,681 suicides (1997) in Canada were because nobody listened. Deperate cries that fell on deaf ears because fuck-ups like me cried wolf.