* if you haven't read the events of friday yet, read it first, this is Saturday*

I wake up to a confused Jenna exclaiming: "Death from above was at my house!?"
I am Matt's Dehydrated body, dying liver, aching lungs and swollen brain.
It's 10:30 in the morning, and I'm waking up drunk again.
It's way to early, but we manage to walk to Vogue to catch Dreams among stars and the Zine fair. I get bored, so I play some frisbee in a parking lot with Kingsley, then walk back by myself.
When I get back, Courtney is by herself, we decide to watch Fight Club. It plants wicked thoughts in my abused brain.
So it's 6 o'clock and I start drinking. Colt 45-drink of choice for poor students and alcoholics alike. I am both.
This is where my wonderful thoughts of self destruction begin. I make the aforementioned sign and slap it on my chest. I acost pedestrians walking by, groups of 8 guys, black people angry at their repression, old ladies, no one bites. I decide if anyone hits me, it'll have to be someone I know. Ray agrees first, but on the one condition he gets it on tape.
And so it starts. He hits me. Several times, right in the face. Unscathed, I demand more challengers. The ice has been broken, now everybody wants a piece. I don't remember the order of who hit me and where. I know Kingsley smoked me, for which I love him.
Jenna wants in, she claims it's sexist that people will hit me and not her. (note: It could very well be that people like her and hate me) So giving in, I give her a seemingly light crack in the lip*, she promptly bleeds like a hemophiliac.
*for which I still feel like a horrible asshole.
Now I'm the jealous one, I want to bleed, and somehow have not yet. I implore jenna to get her revenge and she promptly smokes me 7 or 8 times right in the lip. I finally bleed, but barely.
Done and done. Not wanting to get beat up anymore, I remove my blood spattered sign and Me, Jenna, Gabrielle, and Steph huck it to the marquee.
Once there, I consume too many Vodka and limes, listen to horribly bad white rappers, and collect free Volkswagen paraphanelia (despite cursing at the MC). Eventually I realize everybody I came with is either gone or talking to somebody else. I decide to leave.
On my way back I discover a shoppping cart. If used properly, this cart doubles as a scooter, Thus vastly cutting my travelling time. HOWEVER: I am drunk as hell, lost, and end up stumbling around looking very homeless. I am running my cart into trees and fences. Still looking for more punishment I ask homeless people to punch me. No takers. So after pushing my cart up this huge fucking hill, then realising after asking for directions that I had gone the way, I curse, climb on the back of my scooter/cart then fly down the hill until I hit a curb. The girls watching almost shit themselves with confusion.
On my way home, I come across some Dal students lounging outside. I tell them of my adventure, They implore me to do it again. I do. Eventually egged on to do it 4 more times (hitting mailbox, curb twice, and bailing once to avoid hitting parked cars) res security comes out and tells me if I don't stop he's calling the cops, I swear, start up the hill to fake that I'm leaving, then fly past him down the hill screaming: "Fuck you Dewey!!!"
I find myself on Jenna and Megan's street with the aid of some of my fans, the whole way back I tell them: "yeah, I'm from PEI. Where I come from, people customize their shoppping carts. racing stripes, NOS, the works." I'm not sure what they thought.
For one finale, I fly down queen st. hill, timed perfectly and squarely nailing Jenna's steps.
end scene.