Well, I went out to try and have fun. Emphasis on try. Tyler showed up, and Gab stuck with me most of the evening which was good. But due to my spat with Melissa, I was unable to socialise with most of my friends. Eventually, me and Ms. Gallant reconciled and I was able to do so, but I am really upset over a lot of things. Being ditched, being hurt, rejected, snubbed, etc. all by the only person I really wanted to be with. It made me leave that hole, I just couldn't take it. I just can't take it.

I have to go to work today. Emphasis on have to. But I'm exhausted. I'm a shell of a person. I roughly got to sleep at 2:45-3 am, and I've been up since 7am. I eat one meal a day, if that. I keep have a disturbing recurring dream, and my eye keeps twitching involuntarily. I can't find my wallet, and likely never will. To be quite honest, other than a few bright spots, this has been the worst week of my life. Emphasis on worst.

So yeah. What do I say? I know you're going to read this. *insert 10 min. long pause* How do you want me to act? I can play loving boyfriend (snot on t-shirt, well, loving you in general...) or I can play absent after thought. (see: last night after 1:30). In between is the hardest part, and that's likely what you want.

I love plucking your eyebrows, I love going to the beach, I love making you milkshakes, I love seeing you smile. I love waking up and looking at you while you still sleep. I love crying my eyes out while thinking of how much you mean to me. Emphasis on love. Is this my fate? To be destroyed from the inside out? Is this "what is meant to happen"? I feel like hell. I hope one way or another it's all worth it. That faint hope keeps me going, it keeps me alive.